IT HURTS LESS TODAY. [ UPDATE ON MY MENTAL HEALTH.]
I recently finished Milk & Honey and while my entire book is marked up and sectioned off so I have poems to come back to when the weight of the world feels like its getting to be too much - this one stuck out the most to me. As I have said before when I first went public with my story regarding my depression and anxiety some days it feels like a goddamn battle to wake up and get out of bed but lately I'm finding ways to combat that feeling. Its not all sunshine and roses and if I'm honest some days I wake up and the world feels SO dark, I roll out of bed and I look at myself in the mirror and I can't seem to find a reason to love the woman staring back at me. But more often than not I wake up feeling lighter, more refreshed and like I can conquer the entire world in 24 hours.
Depression is hard. Admitting you have a problem is even harder but ever since I went public I have found support in people I didn't know existed. I found support within myself. I am learning to love myself every day. I am learning to count my blessings and focus on the good days, not the bad ones. I smile more, I laugh harder, and most of all I talk until I'm blue in the face. I am no longer on the brink of madness - for now. I will never say I'm cured because depression doesn't work that way but I'm ready to fight for myself everyday. I want to live but most of all I want to feel alive.
The universe took its time on me, crafted me precisely so I could offer the world something. This is that something - I am facing my depression head on and talking about it. My mental health will not shame me. This is me, depression and all and I'm beginning to love her.
WAYS THAT I CRAWL OUT OF THAT DARK SPACE:
1. Journaling - every morning I write 5 pieces of gratitude.
2. Reading - find a word you can escape to when your current one is getting to be too much.
3. Talking - find someone and reach out. Don't suffer in silence.
4. Breathing - In & out.