I have to tell you, I have been told that I am incredibly difficult to love.
The fact that it has taken me quite some time to learn how to love myself and the fact that I am still learning means that it’s hasn't been a walk in the park for you to love me - you've told me as much..but I hope there's still a piece somewhere in there that loves me just the same.
I have scrounged up every ounce of courage to teach myself what the essence of self-love is because I want to be loved by you. I have gathered strength along the way too. Yes, I am still fragile and maybe a little too emotional but I'm trying to figure it out. I'm trying to stand on my own two feet and not depend on you to hold me up.
Helping me be better is a process, and you might feel like it’s taking forever but please don’t give up on me. Help me anyway - even when you look at me like you would rather be anywhere else in the world please remember I'm trying to be better than this version of Breana but all good things take time.
When my depression or anxiety rears its ugly head please don't tell me that I'm hard to love. Remind me of all the reasons why you love me. Remind me that you love me IN SPITE of my mental illness.
I hope you understand that in this relationship, there will be downsides, and while my downsides outweigh the good I promise you better days are ahead.
Communicate to me the things you find difficult to handle.
Communicate to me your feelings regardless if they’re good or bad, I need to know.
Communicate to me your thoughts but remember your tone.
Speak to me with love not frustration.
I can’t assure you of the time it would take for me to finally learn how to fully rid myself of the negativity and self hatred but I promise I'll continue trying. You see, self love is a life long battle. Everyday I wake up and I find reasons to love myself in spite of my shortcomings, to love myself in spite of my depression. I learn to love the little things about me. I have grown to love the spunk, the attitude and occasionally lost in my own world self. I just need you to remember why you loved her too.