It bothers me that no one has the patience to deal with someone who is just sad.
Lets get real and honest. Sit down, grab yourself a drink because I am about to get personal - more so than usual.
In the last couple of weeks I have been sitting front row to an emotional and mental roller coaster that I want so badly to get off but I'm stuck. It's almost like being in Final Destination and being frozen in your seat as you watch freeze frames of your life or the situation you have conjured up in your head to help feed your anxiety and as badly as you want to stop you can't. I am the main character, I'm currently at a standstill in my life and I'm struggling with how to mentally prepare for it, fix it and then grow from it.
I'm at this place where I feel like I should know exactly what I'm doing with my life, I should be chasing after my end goal and living my life to the fullest and yet I'm not and I'm constantly beating myself up about it. Last weekend I had the opportunity to reconnect with one of my family members Jason and I was able to just dump everything I had been feeling and dealing with. He listened, he offered feedback and then reminded me that I mattered, that I was special and that there are people out there who are rooting for me. I doubt he understood how much I needed those words in that moment, so thank you Jason.
I just needed someone I was allowed to vent with. Someone who listened when I talked and didn't interject with useless sentences they felt I needed to hear. I realize I am a constant work in progress and sometimes that progress is slow and mundane and as much as I want to speed it up that's not how life works and that needs to be ok. I know there are big things out there for me and for once I'm finally taking the necessary steps to grab any and every opportunity in front of me.
If you've made this this far - thank you. We all need someone in this world to allow us to fall apart, to ramble and just be real with. This is my space and I'm thankful you've even decided to read it.
PS - How fire is my niece? We've been linking up often so she can take my photos and hot damn she's getting so good! She understands my point of view and it gives me time to chat with her and keep up with her life.