For the last 10 or so years I have struggled with loving and embracing my thighs and the cellulite that comes with them. I struggle with understanding that I am beautiful and that my flaws are what make me beautiful.
I assume its linked to where I grew up and today's text book view of beauty. I grew up in a small, predominantly white town where people only came to attend the ivy league university that made us famous. Walking around said town I was used to seeing stick thin, heavily made up women who I wanted to be like..I wanted the thigh gap and the painted on AG jeans. (which by the way do not work for my body type) and most of all I wanted the boys to look at me the way they looked at those girls.
I couldn't embrace my curves - my butt and thighs were my enemy. My size 12 ocassionally size 14 jeans weren't carried in the stores my peers were shopping in, my muffin top made tight shirts a no no. I wanted so badly to fit in and dress like everyone else but I felt like my body was stopping me. Even as today's hip hop culture has taken over and celebrated the stereotypical black body I still feel gross in my own skin. I have spent hours looking in our full length mirror, stepping on the scales trying to understand why I was so big.
Why I couldn't have that elusive thigh gap..how come I wasn't considered beautiful?
I had been scheduled to shoot with Shamir and his creative outlet CKS Magazine and knew immediately what my first post would be. I wanted to show off the thighs I had grown ashamed of - the stomach that isn't quite flat but mine. I will never have a thigh gap, I'll never not have cellulite and my boobs probably wont get bigger unless I get knocked up but that's ok. I am learning to embrace everything that makes me, me. These pictures offer proof that with time and confidence I am learning to embrace and accept my body. So much so, I'm ready to take on the world while showing off my curves!