there's a lot happening here.


noun: envy; plural noun: envies
a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.


Envy is horrible, i mean thats' why its one of the seven deadly sins - and well, i have found myself envious of other peoples blessings. i don't want to hide it, i want to speak about it and then pack up that emotion and work on understanding that although i cant see my blessings - they are there, and they are coming. I am now at the ripe age of 27 (hello club 27) but i STILL find myself envious of other people - i don't know why, and a majority of the time i know i shouldn't be but i find myself scrolling through my feed and questioning why. why don't i live this glamorous life that i see other content creators showing up online - why do their lives seem so amazing and mine seems so dull?

all of those questions spin around in my head and its tough questioning who i am and what i'm doing by comparing myself to someones life which brings me to a movie i began watching on Netflix last night, Ingrid Goes West and i had an epiphany about this so called life we create and market to people we don't know, seeking approval from them. I identified so much with Ingrid, minus the psychopathic tendencies - she kept looking for her self worth in the type of likes/followers/comments she would get on her Instagram account, she went as far as befriending her Instagram obsession (that's a no for me dawg) but i realized how easy it is to fall prey to these lives the Instagram famous make up - my life will never be that glamorous and that's okay, i'm okay with writing, taking photos and traveling the world with my best friend without having to edit my life to make it seem better than it is. 

So yes, i have found myself envious of those around me but i'm learning to check myself and understand that this life i've been given is pretty fucking great - with or without the Instagram fame and that's perfectly okay with me. 

ps - watching Ingrid Goes West - its really good.