my body and I are having a moment.
I have hated my body since the end of 6th grade and all of sudden ya girl sprouted hips and ass but no tits. I mean, I used to take pride of being stick thin and looking like all the other girls in my catholic school uniform - straight up and down. By 7th grade I had wider hips, a nice booty and yet those illustrious boobs I yearned for were nowhere in sight! I'll keep it a buck, I'm cool as hell with being part of the itty bitty titty committee but I wish I had enough boobage to match everything I've got going on at the bottom but I digress, this blogpost is not about everything I gained and everything I lack. Let's focus on this love affair that I'm having with my body at the moment.
While I no longer go to a personal trainer 2x a week I have now created a bit of workout to do at home and when I'm feeling not so lazy, in the gym around the corner (what up $10 a month planet fitness) When I first signed up for personal training it was because I was chasing a goal weight - I wanted to lose 20 pounds. And I didn't want to lose the weight for myself, I was hoping that I could appear more attractive to those around me, I wanted to fit in with the Instagram models that are overtaking my explore page with the washboard apps and perfect pert booties - giving me serious body envy. I realized after 3 months that working out for anyone other than myself was a tragic mistake. I wasn't going to lose the weight I desired if I based my choices on the shoulders of people who had no idea I even existed.
I decided to take a pause and do a little soul searching. I needed to understand my motivation - my why. Why was I working out? What was my end goal? Once I figured out all of those answers I decided not to re-up on my personal training and use the tools he taught me and focus on making healthier choices. I cut back on certain foods and started to really focus on my portion size.
I am happy to confirm that I have lost the 20 pounds I wanted and while my body isn't where I'd like it to be just yet - I'm okay with that. I no longer compare my body to anyone else, I am focusing on feeling beautiful and confindent in my own skin - bikini season is already scaring the daylights out of me but I'm prepared and ready. my body and I have been on a very long journey since 6th grade BUT its the only body I have so I'm dedicated to treating her a little better.
I am strong.
I am confident.
I am beautiful.
My body does not define me.