2017 was the year I told myself it was time to be honest about my depression and accept that it is and always will be a part of me, but instead of using it as a crutch to keep me a prisoner in my mind i needed to let the pain in and begin to heal. I realized you can't force yourself to heal or speed up the process, you have to break yourself apart and begin stitching yourself back together. I am in the process of this madness. I am slowly but surely breaking myself piece by piece and finding out who i am and what i need to work on in order to become the best version of myself. its a messy process and sometimes i take a peek at her in the mirror and get confused at the person who is staring back at me because i can't seem to recognize her but i know i'm beginning to love her. i'm recognizing and processing the childhood trauma, i'm letting it all in and i'm letting it break me apart so we can work on putting me back together.
Healing is a process. A process we sometimes feel guilty for as emotions we don’t like come to the surface. But it’s those emotions that are essential to moving on and at 27 i'm finally ready to open up myself and heal so i can move on and become better instead of bitter.