The last 6 months alone has been a blessing and curse. I have learned more about myself than in the last 27 years combined. I have grown, stumbled and fallen apart yet built myself up stronger than the previous version before. I have learned to protect my peace, understand and treat my body with respect but most of all I have learned to stop underestimating myself and how much I can handle.
I was always afraid to be alone - I had mommy and daddy issues up the wazoo as well as separation anxiety BUT the last 6 months has taught me that those issues no longer stop me from being the person I want to be. I can handle being alone because I am a better version of myself for it. Being alone is scary and really fucking lonely and there were plenty of nights where I sat on my living room couch and cried, cried because I felt like I needed someone and didn't want to be in the company of myself. But once the sadness passed I was ready to take on the rest of my day.
Its hard to describe to someone how I can feel so alone yet be married. But I'll explain it like this, when your spouse travels as part of their job for months at a time you become well versed in the topic of alone time. The first couple of weeks you bask in being able to do all the single shit you thought you missed and then by time the 2nd or 3rd week roll around your bored and realizing how much you miss Friday or Saturday nights out on the town for date night. I've also realized its when you stop missing those moments you are truly screwed. I now focus more on time spent with family and friends and less on whatever it is i believe i'm missing. I focus on laughing on the couch with my cousins until we cant breathe, sipping a well made drink while having girl talk on the front porch or just relaxing while getting a males perspective on my life in its current state. In these last 6 months I've come to an understanding with myself, going forward whether i am alone or in a couple i am enough and that's all that matters.