Over the last 2 months I have worked two jobs which in reality is more like 4. I have my 9-5, my 5-10, working out and this here blog. I have always been under the impression that I'm supposed to work hard as hell in my 20's so I can coast or attempt to relax by the time I hit my 50's - but what about sleep?
Its about time we realize that we need to stop stretching ourselves so thin to the point where we're physically falling apart. I am blessed to be in good health but what if that't not the case in the future? How many more long nights/early morning combinations can my body handle before it tells me, "i can't go any further breana."
the last couple of weeks i have felt a sense of fatigue i have never experienced before and it terrified me. i struggled to get out of bed - not because my depression hit but because my body ached, my spirit was low and i felt like i would fall apart if i got from underneath my covers. it when was then i realized that working 8-330, then clocking into another job 430-1030 and then, somehow making it home in an attempt to write a blog post or edit a batch of photos i was too tired to find an ounce of inspiration to do - I couldn't keep living that way. Something needed to give before I exhausted myself to the point of no return.
What was once considered my passion (this blog) became something i barely had time for. i can count how many times i told myself i would work harder and try to get back into a creative space and bang out blog posts but those plans never worked out. finding time to shoot a look i felt good in or write words that made sense stopped. i stopped caring and i realized it was because i had stretched myself too thin to the point where one wrong move and everything would come tumbling down.
i'm leaving for vacation in a few hours and being in the air is where i feel the lightest - 5 hours of uninterrupted time with good tunes and a destination i've never been..i'm hoping to be revived, to sleep, to love myself a little harder but most of all to spend time with the one person who means the most to me and remind myself that i wont sleep when i'm dead - i'll sleep now.